2018: A Recap

Halo, akhirnya aku kembali di blog lagi. Now, it is January 2019 already. Time flies really fast, huh? 

The last time I wrote something here was October 2018. Rightt, kinda explains how I was being very caught up with works and life in general by November- December last year (it involves a series of anxieties and mental health issues). But now, I think I am better (and will try to write more here!)

1. I realized that my last three posts here were... umm kinda bleh?! I mean, I love the idea, but I just don't see myself wrote those things (I can't see my quirk, or Idk.. I think it really shows how those writings are being made for people and not genuinely because I want to write it!). This dates back to my mentor's advice for me to write more things to get more exposure as I am about to take a teaching position this year. However, I do realize, I kinda lose my sparks already in writing. They feel bland... I miss the old me in writing. I want to write more, but not like those. Hmm. Be genuine and emotionally invested in what you're about to write, I think, is one key to produce a good writing. 

2. In 2018, I graduated and received my Master's Degree. I got my first paid-job ever in Yogyakarta and finally a soon-to-be permanent teaching position in my uni. Still can't be thankful enough to God. I don't know how do I deserve this abundant love and blessings. 

3. Fell in love but hasn't realized it until the end of the year and maybe it's too late to do anything.. and/or too mager to make an effort  (yha, kisah cintaqu selalu begitu)

4. My anxiety level has gotten much worse by the end of last year. Was planning to see a psychologist but got postponed until I don't know when... and just realized, a good night sleep is one key to avoid those thump thump feelings. And managing your diet! (I cheat sometimes, but well... some days, foods are just soo good and the goodness can somehow be compared to the aftereffect so it's okay lol--don't follow this)

5. I saw people getting married, engaged, pregnant, delivering babies, taking care of their kids.. all those happy newlyweds vibe.. and also, stories about marriage life that are just very... real and full of struggles? I mean, in this age, I was thinking maybe I want to get married, too like my friends. But seeing all those stories (I mean the real ones, from those who already been married for like 10+ years.. marriage is one hella ride and love just isn't enough for that). I feel happy for people who are engaged, married, having kids... but at the same time, I always had this negative side of me that keep saying, "this not gonna stays long, something will definitely happen in the future..." thus making me hesitate to even talk about marriage. 

6. Friends are really the family you choose. Since you get to choose them, make sure you do it wisely. Clearly, a small but caring circles are much better than those wide-webs of friends but full of backstabs and back-talking. 

7. Enjoy life while you can. You only have one life in this world, well another one in the afterlife. But, make sure you are alive and live up to your potential. Be happy cause it's good for you, your body and your soul! 

8. Uang bisa dicari. Uang bisa diusahakan. 

9. SABAR, SAREH, SUMEH, SEMELEH: empat filosofi Jawa yang ibuku ingatkan when I came home very sick and stressed. Ikhlas, Ikhlas, Ikhlas. 

10. We may think that we are under 100% control of our life. Every decisions we made, when it turns out wrong, is 100% our fault and we had to bear the consequences. BUT, our life is much more than that. Kita nggak pernah sendiri, kita adalah bagian dari rencana besar Tuhan. Ketika kita mau membuat sebuah keputusan, trust God then He'll lead the way. Ketika kita merasa sedih, harus ingat bahwa tidak ada perasaan yang akan permanen, karena semuanya temporer, dan ada Tuhan yang akan selalu membersamai kita. Trust Him. Juga janji Allah bahwa ".. sesudah kesulitan pasti akan ada kemudahan".